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02 February 2007 @ 11:11 am
Awhile back, I was talking with rightkindofme, about a chupaqueso. I'm assuming that name was made up by Howard Tayler, the guy who draws Schlock Mercenary. It's a made-in-a-pan snack food composed entirely of melted or toasted cheese. The recipe, excerpted from an earlier Shlock Mercenary footnote, follows.

Note: those readers who have, against all reason, developed a hankering for a chupaqueso will be happy to know that it's possible to make one. You will need a good teflon skillet, a fairly sharp teflon spatula, some sharp cheddar, some fresh parmesan, and some Monterey Jack cheese.

1. Grate about a half-cup of cheddar and a half-cup of jack.
2. Heat the skillet, and spread the cheddar evenly in the pan. You should have an eight-inch diameter circle of grated cheese, with a little bit of pan showing through here and there.
3. As the pan gets hotter the cheese will obviously melt. Then it will toast, and you'll get cheese-grease floating on top of melted cheddar, itself on top of a layer of crusty toasted cheddar.
4. Start lifting around the edges with the spatula. You'll soon reach a point (you'll know, trust me) when the structural integrity of the crusty-toasty cheese allows you to flip the whole thing over.
5. (Speaking of "over," this is often the point where you'll get frustrated and decide to start over.)
6. After toasting side two for a moment, flip it again so the "smooth" side is down, and the recently toasted side is up.
7. You now have a cheese shell sizzling in a puddle of cheese grease. It's still flexible, but much longer and it won't be, so you'll have to work fast. Add the Jack cheese and a sprinkle of parmesan, and then tri-fold the cheddar-shell around it.
8. Slide it out of the pan onto your plate. It's called a "chupaqueso" either because you can suck (chupa) the cheese (queso) out of the middle as you crunch away, or because this cheese (queso) thing you made sucks (chupa).

For added flavor you might try adding cooked-and-crumbled bacon with the jack and parmesan. In this case you'll end up with a chupaqueso con tocino, or, as it's often pronounced in my house, "chupaqueso con SWEET TRADER OF PORK BELLIES THERE'S BACON IN THIS THING chomp chomp AAARGH I BURNED MY MOUTH slurp gulp chomp."

For the record, it's much easier to make a chupaqueso by sliding your credit card into a Popso 2250 Autovend. Officially licensed Tacobufa Chupaquesos are seamless, oblong, cheese-crust shells around a patented six-cheese blend. For just a little more money the Bufador Mealy-Dealy gets you a drink and a large order of Monosfritos (made with freshly-picked monos, or so I've been told).
David: Problematic Foodtsgeisel on February 2nd, 2007 07:26 pm (UTC)
I think my arteries hardened a bit just reading that recipe.
marybeth: satanic tomato of Neil Gaimanmg4h on February 2nd, 2007 08:00 pm (UTC)
Errr. Eeek.

Shameful confession time - I occasionally melted cheese in the microwave till it crisped a bit on the edges in college. I couldn't always manage to keep bread around, but cheese lasted forever.

Mmmm, burnt mozarella.
Mad Dog Erica, The Pirate Queen!: Altonca_snowflake on February 2nd, 2007 08:05 pm (UTC)
this reminds me of my idea for making little cheese cups out of little circles of grated cheese cooked to almost hardness and then being cooled over something to make it bend into a little cup and then filling them with macaroni and cheese.

mmnn cheese.
taoflaherty on February 3rd, 2007 04:13 pm (UTC)
I've been told that fried cheese makes an excellent substitute for bread.
Vvvvexation on February 5th, 2007 10:48 pm (UTC)
Am I the only one here who's actually made one of these? They're goooooood.
Noahangelbob on February 5th, 2007 11:19 pm (UTC)
I never had, though I'm quite tempted :-)