I was reminded again this weekend that I am not a masochist. I have a quite significant pain tolerance, but that's entirely different from me getting anything out of it. I really don't. I was hoping to get some shamanic benefit from it - that is, I was hoping it would significantly change my mental state. I got just a tiny bit of that - I found it distinctly annoying. And by pulling harder, I could put myself in enough pain to start getting nauseous. Neither of those were really the intention.
xeyda and rightkindofme were there as guests and moral support (ravenslost was out of town this weekend). I had spent some time (probably not enough) pulling hard and for significant time on the hooks-with-ropes and was getting nowhere (a real try would probably mean doing it for hours and hours - I'm a wuss, especially when it comes to boredom and annoyance, and *especially* when I feel like I'm failing or something's not working).
rightkindofme then volunteered to do her part to put me in more serious pain (I don't remember exactly how it was phrased), and for lack of better-looking options, I accepted. I had done this with the intention of getting out of my head, and it was just not doing any good. She did a significant amount of punching and slapping my chest area, on and around the hooks. xeyda tells me that she looked really uncomfortable through a lot of that, which is understandable. I am *not* a masochist, and I was just about coherent enough to keep nodding to rightkindofme to keep going, but not a lot more. Well, except when she'd stop for a second, possibly to let me catch my breath. Anyway.
Unfortunately, that didn't feel so much out-of-body as just incoherent. rightkindofme does that well, and it hurt. If I ever decide I need to teach myself to resist torture, I know who I'll ask for punching lessons ;-) Unfortunately, despite her best efforts, I was still basically all there. It would appear that I need seek enlightenment elsewhere. Or, as I said to her at the time, "right. Next time I want out of my head, drugs. Lots and lots of drugs."
However, I've now given it a try. I will not be tempted to do that again. And that's a minor victory in and of itself. I *do* aim to experience a broad cross-section of what life has to offer, and this was worth doing for that reason regardless.
So that was my weekend. Well, that, laundry and video games. Plus a Resistance Play workshop at Wicked City. Anyway.