Our Fairy Godmother
I'm a quick-witted fellow and easily seen
My appearance impresses, I'm shaven and clean
But still and for all that
I can't quite recall that
Christening that must surely have been.
For a christening's where the good fairies came by,
Twinkling, sparkling and bright in the eye.
Godmothers to gift you
And really right swift you
Are brilliant and charming and make ladies sigh.
But my family comes of most ignoble stock
And my godmoth'ring fairy's best wand is in hock
And to this day I wonder
If that bottle under
Was water or gin 'neath the edge of her frock.
But Scots fay godmothers are, sober or gay,
Hardheaded, good-natured, sensible either way.
She gifted me squarely
And really quite fairly
And I've done very well by her gift to this day.
Her slurred benediction was 'You're bastards all!
You're stuck up and callous and you never call!
You arrogant boys
With your heedless noise
Have forgotten me! Go stew in your selfish gall!"
And just as she said to me over my crib,
I'm an arrogant bastard, I'm callous yet glib;
I think of her rarely
And gall's landed me squarely
As a law practice partner of Meyers and Squibb.