July 28th, 2016

Don't care the question, "Yes and I'd do it again"

Huh.

Krissy is loaning me a book on ADD that her therapist loaned her. She thinks I may see myself in it (*grin*).

Yeah, okay, a lot of my early life reads like dealing with exactly these issues constantly, but with enough cover that I could get away with it. I've worked really hard to make sure I have lots of slack in my jobs, personal relationships and hobbies to work incredibly intensely and then not at all, and for it to average out okay. I have a huge number of coping habits for my impulsiveness. My classwork reads *exactly* like this, with the understanding that I was smart enough to get away with way more of it than was actually a good idea, even at CMU.

And while I've always hit caffeine pretty hard, it was a few years ago when I worked for Ooyala that I seriously started caffeinating regularly, on a schedule, fixed dose in the morning on the way to work followed by specific re-ups during the day... And hey presto, that was the same time I wrote my book, added side-jobs that made money, organized a lot of home stuff...

Huh.

Well, okay then.

Which, me being me, leaves me with the question, "would Ritalin or something be even *better* for me than caffeine that way?" This is, naturally, not quite the right question.

(Also? Apparently stimulant medications such as Ritalin/Adderall/caffeine share a lot of in-brain mechanisms with adrenaline release, suggesting a strong link between stimulant use and being an adrenaline junky. Which, um, sounds a *lot* like an explanation of my parties, dating life and/or social drama.)