May 13th, 2003

choo choo (mail)


I realized this morning that my body was being obstinate and generally not wanting to go to work. That's fine, and sometimes happens. But I realized it was still trying to dodge doing what I wanted in the same way that happened at Broadcom.

And then I had a very odd realization, which I need to think more about. My body/subconscious (anybody got a good word for all the behavior that goes on below the conscious level?) just wasn't attuned to the new job. It had been feeling odd and in limbo during the week of unemployment, which is one reason I had so much trouble getting places, remembering appointments and doing things.

But I realized I hadn't been doing any daydreaming or other sorta semiconscious thinking about the new job. Filling out some paperwork, yeah. Making simple rational choices about it, yeah. But not really thinking about it without thinking anything specific, if you know what I mean. I did some of that, in a very directed way, on this morning's commute.

And today, I keep looking at the time and thinking, "wow! It's only 1:30?" and later "wow! It's only 2:30?". I'm actually getting stuff done at work again, and generally enthused. My subconscious is again giving me the benefit of the doubt about stuff. I'm in the zone, and I haven't been since, oh, maybe month 2 of my time at Broadcom.

What does this tell me? Well, maybe that I don't spend enough time daydreaming.