I have just finished skimming Hiroyuki Nishigaki's surprising book How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? Though I haven't had a chance to try out his simple and revolutionary approach to mental health, I feel confident about recommending it to you. It's time to take drastic, perhaps unconventional measures to disperse the funky moods that have plagued you recently. Regular butt-squeezing may be able to accomplish what no other therapy can. As one satisfied reader testified after achieving miracles with this technique: "Free your ass and your mind will follow."
I'm not frightened that he's recommending this. I'm frightened that he isn't the first person I've seen recommend this.