Noah (angelbob) wrote,
Noah
angelbob

I was thinking of something, and I was just about to make a quick judgement and continue on. Then I realized that it's exactly the kind of thing I usually conflict with girlfriends on, and so community opinion is probably a good thing.

So I'm asking for a ruling from the judges here.

I go on a great many different kinds of dates. Some of them, especially with people I don't see very often, I've made sure I have way more stuff around than I'm actually going to wind up using/offering/eating/etc. But that means I can spend a full day preparing for a date, which I've done a couple of times.

That's a significant amount of labor, and just generally enough to challenge my organizational skills. Those of you know know me can stop snickering for a minute. Those of you who don't know me should probably start. Anyway.

At one point, I put my foot in my mouth with a recent ex -- somebody I'd been dating for a couple of months at the time. I mentioned these fairly complex dates I'd been on, and basically said that I was happy that I saw her often. It meant that doing only a couple of nifty things per date, maybe going out to a good restaurant and bringing chocolates, was ample, and that I was more comfortable that way.

That naturally came out as "you're not worth the bother of preparing for". Somehow, it always works out that way. Always. No matter how you phrase it, with or without prior disclaimers. Especially if you don't mean it that way. It's one of those rules of being a guy.

I usually sigh deeply and move on when it happens. I put my foot in my mouth, she misunderstood, I'm a guy, so I continued on my merry way. These things happen. But later, I was struck by something. Specifically, the fact that she might have a point.

Maybe it wasn't my phrasing that was a problem. Maybe it was the fact that I brought such things up at all -- at least when I wasn't currently on a date I did a lot of preparing for. Maybe mentioning that at all, and particularly that there are people I've *only* gone on that kind of date with (such as the girl with whom I only had the one, ahem, not-date in Santa Barbara), is just a bad idea.

Since I'm doing this in a public forum, I'm probably poisoning my dating chances, or requiring that I do a lot more preparing for dates, anyway. But I'm really curious. Is it basically okay to suggest that there are previous dates for whom you've done a lot more work per date, and that you're happy that the current person isn't so much work? Or does that just automatically translate to "you're not worth it?"
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