"The astrological moment is ripe for a wedding, Gemini. It doesn't have to be a traditional union of two lovers, though that would be a fine way to satisfy the cosmic mandate. Here are other forms your ritual merger might take: You could get "married" to your muse; you and a soul friend might pledge your undying platonic love and mutual support; you could link yourself with a symbol that you want to serve as your guiding light; you may even want to tie the knot with your favorite power tool, animal companion, or sacred place. The important point is to fully engage your imagination as you marry your fortunes to someone or something that lifts you up out of yourself."
and the Onion:
"You'll have the kind of week that makes you wish your parents had followed through on their military-school threats, but for different, sexier reasons."
Time to start running now, do you suppose?