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15 March 2007 @ 12:03 pm
 
This week, Rob tells the Gemini:

"Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish," prayed Michelangelo. He exulted in the feeling of having too much to express. He thrived on the stimulus of his delicious frustration, and used the inspiring sting of his nagging inadequacy as a fuel for his boundless creativity. Are you willing to experiment with this approach, Gemini? Do you have the nerve to love what's imperfect about your life? Are you brave enough to laugh at the probability that your yearning will never be completely fulfilled?

I guess I'm not. My usual problem is that I just don't have enough stuff that I *want* much but haven't fulfilled. Lots of things that would be nice, and that I wouldn't object to having, but not much that I really seriously want.

For Leo, he says:

"Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish," prayed Michelangelo. He exulted in the feeling of having too much to express. He thrived on the stimulus of his delicious frustration, and used the inspiring sting of his nagging inadequacy as a fuel for his boundless creativity. Are you willing to experiment with this approach, Gemini? Do you have the nerve to love what's imperfect about your life? Are you brave enough to laugh at the probability that your yearning will never be completely fulfilled?

So if I'm going to fix this about myself, he recommends I do it gradually. At least this week ;-)
 
 
 
taoflaherty on March 15th, 2007 09:08 pm (UTC)
The wrong kind of want
So, Michelangelo wanted to make art - painting, sculpting, writing poetry. The particular topic that he working on may not have mattered, as his style was everything, a style mostly involving detailed naked men.
What do you want to do? You've complained about not knowing what subject to pursue. Do you basically want to write code? What kind of feedback do you want while you're working / after you're done? When are you happy? When are you happy with yourself?
I think you're looking at the "what I want" question from the wrong perspective.
Noahangelbob on March 15th, 2007 09:52 pm (UTC)
Re: The wrong kind of want
I am pretty certainly looking at it from the wrong perspective. This doesn't, of course, help me with knowing what the right perspective is.

I like writing code. I'm good at it, and it turns into something useful. Do I *want* to write code? Sort of. I only sort of want, well, *anything*.

I like feedback that something is useful. The best feedback of that kind is somebody using something I did in a real world application.

When am I happy? Hard question. When I'm with rightkindofme, mostly. When am I happy with myself? Pretty much always.
taoflaherty on March 15th, 2007 10:06 pm (UTC)
Re: The wrong kind of want
I am pretty certainly looking at it from the wrong perspective. This doesn't, of course, help me with knowing what the right perspective is.
I frequently have this problem.

You're good at it, and it turns into something useful. Is there anything else that you'd rather be doing? Do you care at all what your code is useful to?

Do you work best on your own or with other people? Is feedback something that's useful while you're working or just an important reward afterwards?

Being pretty much always happy with yourself is a good accomplishment. And being happy when you're with your spouse is terrific. Under what other isolated circumstances are you happy?
Noahangelbob on March 15th, 2007 10:30 pm (UTC)
Re: The wrong kind of want
Is there anything else that you'd rather be doing? Do you care at all what your code is useful to?

There's not really anything else I'd rather be doing, no. Sometimes I'd rather be idle, sometimes not.

I care somewhat who my code is useful to. "People I respect" and "a lot of people" are both good answers, for instance.

Do you work best on your own or with other people? Is feedback something that's useful while you're working or just an important reward afterwards?

I have only rarely worked with other people of significant skill. Not enough to have a good answer to your question. I like feedback, and it can accelerate my work. Coding work tends to be a longer-term, ongoing thing, which blurs the boundary between "reward while working" and "feedback afterward".

Under what other isolated circumstances are you happy?

Very few. I've looked hard in a number of ways for a number of years, and found no consistent other ways to accomplish it.
taoflaherty on March 15th, 2007 10:35 pm (UTC)
Re: The wrong kind of want
Everybody would rather sometimes be idle, but idle gets boring real quick.

Maybe this conversation would've worked better in person; I feel like now we've gotten past the obvious questions and the known-by-heart answes, I don't know where to go.